The Greater Evil
by Dark Lady of Slytherin
Summary: Death is Only the Beginning, but does evil come before or after death? Or better yet, before or after you've killed someone or something?
1. Death Is Only the Beginning

          What is death really like? Well I had asked myself that many times. It was one thing to understand that death takes that which you love the most and fills you with the pain and torment for all eternity; or so that is my case. But what does death feel like? I've sat here, all yearlong, the coming end to my years at Hogwarts, and my fateful night soon arising. I guess that is what brought about this feeling of emptiness, this sudden question.

          I had thought about death for quite sometime. I had learned at a very young age that I had been an orphan of a terrible car crash that claimed my parents' lives. Then when my 11th birthday came about, and I met Hagrid I learned the truth, I learned that my parents weren't killed in fatal crash like Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had said; but that I in fact was a child star in the Wizarding world. I had defeated the Darkest Wizard, and yet, I still remained feeling empty. 

          When I met Hermione, and Ron at Hogwarts, I was momentarily filled with joy. That was until, well until everything went down hill. I wonder, if I had of just remained in my Common Room, never worried about the Philosopher Stone, would any of this ever happened? Had I noticed Tom Riddle's Diary sooner at Flourish and Blotts, would Ginny not have been forced to open the Chamber of Secrets? If I had of allowed Remus and Sirius to kill Peter back in the Shrieking Shack, would Sirius still be with me today? If I had of raced Cedric to the Goblet of Fire and taken it before him, would that have meant he would have had a longer life? What if I hadn't had a hero complex like Hermione stated? Or tried so valiantly to save everyone I had known from harm in my Sixth year, and now my seventh and final year is upon me and the only thing I can think about is 'What if's'. Is what I'm doing the right thing? Putting everyone in danger, sacrificing their lives because I'm some hero?

          Am I really a hero? If I died tomorrow, would I be called a hero, even if Voldemort remained alive? Would they remember the real Harry Potter? The boy who tried his damnedest to keep his friends alive, when he was foolishly running off into the spotlight to gain more fame? What was I thinking then? I could have got them killed! No, I don't think they'd remember me that way. More like "Harry Potter, the boy who failed us" that's probably how they'd perceive me should I die. 

          Can't think of that now. Graduation starts in less than a minute and here I am, listening to Dumbledore's speech and I'm not even paying attention. My mind is driving me crazy, all I can think about is, what's going to happen now. Now that I'm on my own, and I don't have Dumbledore to protect me; I'm sure we all know what will happen. I'll be sleeping in my nice warm bed, and then I'll wake with a start staring back into these blood red eyes, I'll see the evil sneer on his face, and I'll know my time has come. I'll have failed the Wizarding World, my friends, and most of all, the family I've come to know. I would not want that to happen. That's why, tonight, I'll be sneaking out of Hogwarts early, and I'll find myself standing before Voldemort alone. 

          What will happen, I'm not yet sure. But at least my question will be answered. I'll know the truth. I am sure I will not survive this night. The torture, the hate; I am not stupid. Voldemort does not just kill, he torments, he destroys everything you hold near and dear to you, and he'll make you beg for death before the end is near. That's what I am sure of. I am sure that like any other time I have gone up against him, I know my time is coming. And unlike him, I am not afraid. I will do my hardest, I will prevail, and then, I will release my soul into the hands of those who have loved me. Perhaps I will join my family once more, but tonight, I must spend the last few hours I have with my friends, before I do what I must.


	2. Life After Death

Am I still standing in the barren grounds where Hogsmeade once stood? Are all those who came forth truly pure of heart and mean right when wrong has being done? I'm no longer sure of what is right and what is wrong. How can I think that what I had done was right, when killing is wrong? Will life ever return to normal? To the way they once were? That is a question that will forever linger in my mind. Even as I fade away from this world and know that I will be at peace knowing that the Wizarding Community is safe. But are they really truly safe from Voldemort? I had once believed so, but tonight the Dark Lord could very well have proved me wrong. I can still hear his words ring out in my ears; I can see him slouch to the ground in defeat. I can even see the blank, distant look in his crimson red eyes. And yet here I remain, staring at the carnage of this last battle, and I can't think to pull myself away from it.  
  
How did I so bravely stand up against Voldemort? How did I manage to survive (yet again) when so many others have fallen? What is so special about me? Is there something that someone has neglected to tell me? I would beg for the answers if only those who could put my mind at ease were still among the living. Tonight many have suffered in their blood for there to be peace. Why must it always be this way? Why must we always take life to live in freedom? Away from oppression and fear. Is there nothing we could have done to stop this from happening yet again? We are wizards are we not? We pride ourselves on the ability to do magic, which in itself is a feat that many Muggles might desire.  
  
Dumbledore once told me that it was the choices that made up different from each other. That made me different from Tom Riddle, yet as I stand here, his body at my feet, I am unsure of any difference at all. We have both killed, we both have power that many may desire, we both had fame that made others jealous, so what kept me from his side? It could not have been Ron, for he was jealous of me at many times in our school years. It could not have been Hermione, she may never have allowed it, but in the end, it was not her decision. Did I truly choose where I was going in life back when I asked the Sorting Hat to place me in Gryffindor? Was my fate sealed that very day? Or could I have had the chance to live a semi normal life had I asked to be placed in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw?  
  
My mind is filled with noise, endless noise. Chatter of the dead, screaming of their souls as they fell to the ground. Lord in heaven about please help me! Make their words stop. Make their pleas for help end. There is nothing more I can do to end their torment. I have done everything I can, and more. I cannot give anymore to this battle that is no longer mine to fight. Grant me peace as you have so many others. I am no warrior. I am just a young adult, hoping, no praying to the divine to aid me in any way they can. If you so much as desire it, I will beg on my knees for this life to end and I might sleep eternally in your keeping.  
  
Fatigue takes over, and I know I am lying on the ground. I can no longer feel the chill in the evening air. I can no longer feel the pain from strain; nor can I hold my own body weight. I cannot tell how long the battle had been going on, or even when it truly began. All I know really is when it ended. I had known it from the beginning. If he survived, I would be dead and it would not have ended. If it were not that case then I would be the one standing victorious and he would be the one defeated; which is the case for us.  
  
I wonder now, as I drift in and out of sleep, what will come now that peace has been restored. Will life go on as it had before? With the seemingly forgotten past that I wish did not repeat itself. Or will our lives fall to our tedious cycle of forgetting what should not be forgotten and thus repeating the same path that has been taken so many times before? For that I am not sure if life truly does move on after such horrific death. After so many people have sacrificed their lives for peace. Yet we do not learn from our mistakes only sur come to them and allow it to happen once again. I can no longer hold out from the beauty of sleep. I must rest now if the tormented souls permit it. There is a wondrous light glimmering in the distance, I have not the clue of what it is, or why it shines so brightly, but it does give off a great warmth. I hope to sleep well this night, for I have not in many months since the death of Sirius.... 


End file.
